2009 was the year that the Solby family
tried to apply for TARP funds in the United States. Three quarters of us are
American citizens and we consider our contribution to the North American
economy to be integral and, well, ‘too big to fail’. TARP stands for the
Troubled Asset Relief Program. Its main concern is massive banks and
pretend-banks and many people consider it an unfair “bailout”. But I voted for Barack Obama and he has
emailed me many times – more before the election than after. So, I am working through the paperwork and
I’m still hopeful that we can benefit from Taxpayers’ generous contributions.
Below are highlights from our tale of the TARP.
February - Carolyn and I went treasure
hunting in Curacao - a little island in the eastern Caribbean. Early stage investment included becoming
certified scuba divers and buying lots of scuba gear. A week of diving revealed
spectacular scenery: coral reefs, eels, fish, plant life and friendly dive
buddies but we did not discover a single gold coin or ancient artifact to sell
on eBay.
In March we sent the kids to Wall Street,
literally. They flew without parents to New York to shop, dine and theatre.
Their grandparent hosts were thoroughly exhausted after the four days, as were
the kids. They returned with purses, shoes and jackets but not a single penny
from the TARP fund or a job offer from Goldman Sachs.
Like real bankers we put on a song and
dance . Maggie played Glinda the good witch in the school production of “Wizard
of Oz” (Hannah remarked that it demonstrated true acting prowess, given
Maggie’s natural malicious character). Hannah played the flute brilliantly,
passed her flute exam with honours and played many recitals.
We also played the game. The highlight of
the sports roster this year was the Grades7 and 8 girls varsity touch football
team. Imagine Maggie and Hannah on the same football team. Maggie played center
and Hannah on special teams. Not such a big deal for them or us, but a dream
come true for my mother-in-law who is a lifelong football fan. When she was not
“advising” the referee she could be found de-mystifying the rules for proud but
confused moms on the sidelines.
Like banks we knowingly took massive risks
that endangered others. In fact it was the high point of our Summer vacation for
the kids - when I let them drive the car
in Prince Edward County. That’s what they call ‘counterparty risk’. Namely, the guy in the vehicle coming other way. We
could have saved a lot of money by vacationing in the airport parking lot. But,
hey, who saves money anymore?!
Of course, there are layoffs. On January 15
Carolyn will be leaving UNICEF, as they decided that Marketing seemed too
complex and expensive after all. She will be looking for a job in the new year
when she is not darning socks and tightening belts.
That leaves your writer as the CEO of our
tiny institution eager for a big bailout for more fun and adventure in 2010.
Regardless, I have voted myself a massive bonus for mediocre performance in ’09
which will be lavished on a family trip to Australia to visit Duff and Nik in
March.
Despite having to cover our own expenses (for
now)we are looking forward to a couple of boxes under the Christmakah (Hanumas)
tree and a minivan adventure to Montreal on Boxing Day. All the while we will
be thinking of you, our friends and family, celebrating with us in your own
way.
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